Another Avant Garde Show

Since my last Avant excursion I haven't had much luck with the world of word of mouth things. They're really kind of a pain. A lot of times you can't figure out what the address even is. They have their place but all things being equal, I'd rather just go to a regular venue. I'd pretty much given up when I saw this one

Preggy Peggy at Zeroplan downtown tonight. Sounds, dance, but probably no kitten murder. Say so if you need details.

— Weirdo Records (@weirdorecords) July 6, 2013

Having done absolutely nothing all day I figured I'd go check it out.

It'd been a long time since I'd been downtown. Chinatown, which was kind of my stomping grounds in college has always been a shithole but now it's an empty shithole. Saturday Night at dinner time was virtually empty. I stopped in at some place and a tired woman gave me a gigantic amount of shrimp fried rice. blah blah blah then I go to the show

This particlar venue is right above a homeless shelter on Kingston street across from The Good Life (irony) cafe. An extremely attractive woman let me in and lead me into an immaculate loft style apartment. I see Angela Sawyer and apologize for insinuating that I was her friend (what I told the hot host lady) rather than just a customer at her store. Max, Ellen's husband, is also very good looking. He's a keyboard player or something and has the most impressive collection of gear I've ever seen. 2 racks full of knobs and whistles, compressors, noise delay, buttons and on and on. There are Chinese lanterns hanging from the ceiling. place is fucking dope.

I don't know if this is her.

I start talking to 3 girls. One of them has a story about eating a PCP ( ! ) laced brownie. I tell everyone else I talk to her story because I got nothing. I deliver packages for Amazon , dogs hate me what am I gonna say? One of the girls seems like a lot of fun and I'm starting to really enjoy myself. The last one has giant almost out of her dress boobs and they are all in advertising. They eventually trade up for two barista looking guys, but that ends up actually being okay( as I'll explain.)

The first act is a guy with a guitar. He does funny sort of wacky songs like one song was about his job at an advertising place or something. He's like super at ease and seasoned. I look over and fun girl is definitely not feeling him and is starting to get kind of generally belligerent (I still like her though). She sits on the table then knocks a glass off it. A guy comes and cleans it up, as he does she puts her foot out as if to kick him in the balls. He is like a classy dude and kind of shaking his head like wtf. As the night wears on she knocks more stuff over, gets drunker, starts shit with people and eventually ends up passed out in Ellen and Max's bed. I kind of have contact stress or whatever about it and I think Max thinks I know her or something. Her friends for some reason pretty much abandoned her.

There are a bunch of dancers who are all in ridiculous shape and one of them up and starts performing. She is kind of soccer mom ish but very attractive and does an improv sort of thing, even taking requests from the audience, (someone calls for push ups which she does with ease) other people join in but not me. Next, Max played some avant garde ish keyboard thing and Ellen did interpretive dance, kind of like in that Gumby episode. It was compelling I'd say.

We're really on a roll as Preggy Peggy AKA Angela comes on and Ellen and another extremely hot dancer do more awesome gyrations (I'm wicked cultured). PP uses a delay thing to make a loop of something she's doing into a microphone, like a weird whisper or something, then have some high pitched tones over that, then she had a megaphone and would say menacing stuff amidst the me gawking at the dancers.

Some kind of oscillator or something.

The last guy twiddled some knobs around trying to find something and never seemed to find it, plus he had no lesbians. It was hard to complain though. Meanwhile, tensions were rising with the drunk girl who by now was passed out in the hosts' bed, which had solved the problem for a while but then they had to get her out when the thing was over. It was an amazing night though, one I wish I had dressed more appropriately for (I held by baseball cap in my hand the whole time). Unfortunately Ellen informed me it was the last such event they were having because they were moving or something or maybe she just wanted me to think that. Did I mention they had FREE BEER??

Nikita primer/ quasi article

"While Vladmir Putin is busy jerking off to Pussy Riot youtubes...Shooting across the sky like... cold war missiles..."

Excuse me, I was trying to imagine how a real writer would start this. Anyway, a while back I was looking on youtube for Top 40 in different countries. I wanted to see what was going on out there, maybe stumble across another Tiger Girls or something. One of the first things I came across was this visually captivating if musically basic Ukrainian number:

I was impressed. I really liked how

1. It confirmed my view of Russia,

2. featured hot girls AND...

3. was pretty good too. I searched around a bit then found an article on them which led me to another, even better video

I watched it again and again. It was definitely another hit though I gradually noticed that there are about 12 million jump cuts in it. My interest was officially piqued. "Bite" (the English translation) had all the soft core appeal of the first video but was kind of classy at the same time. It also brought out more of their unique, supermodel sort of goofiness. It's crazy too, with the quail eggs and the fish and everything.

I wasn't all that wild about some of their subsequent videos like Avacado (which is, I think, a parody of food as porn imagery videos like "Bite"? or maybe not who knows). Then, at some point, fan favorite Yulia (the one in the white dress) left. It seemed like all was lost. I even thought I recognized one of them behind the cash register at my local Russian supermarket, but lo and behold ....

They're back. or some of them are (it's complicated). Daisha, who got all her hair shaved off in the Avacado video, looks amazing. True to form: the song is called Blue Dress and they are all wearing black dresses. Ukrainian humor I guess.

Most of my Russian neighbors are kind of shady, but the wives are relatively hot. just thought I'd throw that in there. google away for nudy pics if you wish there are a number of them. Daisha was in Russian Playboy. or you could just pause the last video pretty much anywhere.

Re-soup-view

Instant Ramen noodles have come a long way from when you could buy them 12 for a dollar. Actually, no they haven't, but there are a bunch of different kinds now. They're usually pretty good, though of course not much like what's pictured on the cover.

One I like is the Crystal Noodle Spicy Tofu. It's like $2.50 or something. What I like about it for one is the noodles. They aren't particularly good but they're clear which is cool. It's like you're eating space food.

The broth is brown flavored. I don't know exactly what it's supposed to be but it's good and indeed spicy. The tofu is there but really doesn't leave much of an impression. There's much more sodium than soy going on.

Bonus Review / Re soup-Double-view




Also want to give folks a heads up on Kung Fu's beef flavor soup. It's the instant soup with a difference because it has 2 packets: The flavor packet then this other packet which I forgot to take a picture of. The stuff in that one is clear and oozy and seems to give the soup more of a "pro" feel. I can't imagine what's in there but it's probably not too healthy. Again, The sodium in these things is off the charts even for soup.

I like soup but not super a lot. I'm not a "total noodle head" like someone in the amazon reviews said they were. I don't really get those Vietnamese soup places. I had one once and it was good but I think of soup as a thing before a meal, not the meal itself. I can't see downing a gallon of broth then going out for beers, that's all I'm saying. My next column is going to be about a massive pig sacrifice during the depression.

The Communist Toilet Paper Manifesto

"When toilet paper was available, it was the type that was hard and glossy on one side, and very rough on the other. We used to call it "the sandpaper."

I've been reading this study about toilet paper behind the iron curtain, soon to be a feature film. The accounts are harrowing

"In Saratov last summer [late 90's], every home I visited had... the rough brown kind that sells for about a rouble a roll. "American-style" (as I think of it) TP was available, but at 4 or 5 roubles I never saw anyone buy it. These were middle-class homes by Russian standards, though not necessarily "intelligentsia" (e.g., a fireman and a teacher). Public facilities were a different story. The men's rooms at both SGU and SGTU had no toilet paper and, indeed, no toilets -- just a hole in the floor."

For some reason, communists didn't want people to have decent toilet paper. What was available was of very poor quality and sometimes you couldn't even get that. People just used newspaper. Everyday. Irony was apparently not a concern either as the newspapers people were literally wiping their ass with were all communist propaganda. While some did note receiving some satisfaction from this, it was likely a small consolation.

The entire issue of toilets was mainly just not dealt with. No one could be coerced into being an Untouchable One I guess. Ventilation? just get in there and do it and leave. Forget feminine products either. and then no one drinks the water because they aren't doing anything they should be with the toilet water. Even in high end places your gag reflex would be put to the test

Here some lady describes a fun trip to Romania

"...Closing the door behind you, you begin to choke on the sharp stench of urine as you desperately try to find a dry patch on the flooded floor. Needless to say, there is no seat on the toilet, but by the time you visit that famous restaurant, you will already know that such a thing is not to be expected. And then you have to pull a dirty piece of rope in order to splash the water. Soap is nowhere to be seen and toilet paper seems to be a completely unknown thing. There is not a single public toilet in Bucharest where you would find it."

That's great. Why do this? Why not create, say, a Ministry of Toiletry?

1. ideological purity. Determined people are willing to put up with a lot of things in pursuit of living according to their principles. In their minds, it's a long term decision where things might be rough now but eventually they will get better. It's honorable. unless you're wrong, then it's stupid and cruel. "Sorry, but we only have so much capitol and we need it for stuff like tanks, statues, and other basic necessities of life." (Sound familiar?)

2. demand creates more demand. If people get toilet paper they are going to prefer it to newspaper so they will want to keep buying it. Once they go forward, they won't go back. Momentum caused by a rumor that a Berlin wall checkpoint being open was what eventually brought it down. The lesson for dictators is don't let people think a rumor like that is even slightly plausible.

2.5 Why not just use the paper they use to make newspapers for actual toilet paper? Then the whole thing falls apart because there's no propaganda keeping people in line!

3. Finally, here's what a Russian guy told me "and so what? I remember that time, i was a child. We had old newspapers as toilet paper. They were smooth enough. I think it's more nature-friendly thinking - to use paper as much, as you can - read news and after that go to toilet (especially, that news were so big propaganda). But westerners buy things and throw them out and start consuming other ones, just now people start to think about recycling - thing that soviets were doing lot earlier. And i'm not communist."

So the last and least plausible reason is that the communists were massively ahead of the ball on environmentalism ( a sick joke considering the industrial and nuclear pollution in their countries).

Post communism, standards of living are rising. With a freer press people are more cognitive of how others in the western world live. This study was done in 2000 and by the end they were catching up. I'd probably put off visiting the famous restaurant in Bucharest for a while though.

Lame

I like debating. I always have. People are still talking about my performance in 6th grade whatever it was class supporting the Loch Ness monster's existence. Recently though, I got in a donnybrook that left me utterly baffled. Here is the thread in question. You don't have to go to it, I'll explain what happened. I include it simply as proof because people wouldn't believe it otherwise.

Here's how it began: In a generic current events discussion, I made a pretty nondescript point somwheres along the lines of this: newspapers have ceded edgy political content to the internet and actually seem to have backtracked in what they will print in an OP ED. They aren't simply lame but reactionary and in total denial of the last decade or so of political thought.blah blah blah. This was one womans response

"Using the word 'lame' to mean 'pathetic' or 'deficient' or whatever the fuck you meant (since I sincerely doubt you meant 'having a physical disability') is insulting to and dismissive of people with physical disabilities. I do not care whether you meant to be insulting and dismissive. I do not care whether you have ever before encountered someone saying it is insulting and dismissive. It is insulting and dismissive. Knock it the fuck off."

This is a joke right? I responded "I will continue to lose lame". I meant "use" but I was somewhat inebriated. Later , here was my response

Ellie- I was a little drunk, sorry. I meant I will gleefully continue to use the word lame to describe something that is lame lame lame

I figured that would be the end of it. Instead, an unwanted, totally unrelated to the topic debate ensues. One or two brave souls initially try to stand up for free speech, but they fade away and most of the others gradually line up under the matriarchs* (there are two now) (*alot of liberal boards have these.)

Ellie explains that the word lame doesn't offend her "But I've got two friends in wheelchairs who've expressed pain at encountering use of the word". The friends, as far as we know, are not in the thread. She could have said " speaking of lame, I had two friends with disabilities who were very sensitive to the word "lame" This, while having nothing to do with anything, would at least have been a normal way to communicate a thought. Instead it's now a campaign to make me not use the word lame. Problem: Using that non homopobic, rascist or obscene word is OBVIOUSLY not against the board's rules, so it was up to me to do this of my own volition. Yeah right.

We go back and forth and I am thinking either, again 1. This is a joke or 2. she has serious mental problems. Lame is a very common word / expression coined by, I don't know, surfers? right?

Was she offended at lame duck sessions of congress?

"Now you mention it, yeah, there are surely ways to express that concept that do not rely on the disparagement of mobility disabilities."

This bizarre statment shakes me to my very core. I again reiterate that I cannot stop using the word lame simply to indulge a person who has no good reason for asking me to. That's that, lets move on. No dice. I try being sensitive and attempt very boring wordy explanations of language and society and why it's okay to say lame even though it offends some people. Everyone is mad at ME, not her, for being so obstinate.

Finally after being admonished for several pages by this pack of demented druids I break down "This is crazy, everyone says lame!!"

I must be naive because I didn't see this one coming :

"There was a time when "everyone" said the N-word. That didn't make it right.

Also? Using "crazy" this way is rude and demeaning to the mentally ill. Not like you care, because no one tells Chris Hadrick what he is and is not allowed to say.

Troll."

The word crazy is offensive. I couldn't have written a better ending to this than that. A week later I went back and she was chastizing someone else for a language infraction and once again completely derailing the thread.

Ann

I started reading/ hearing about Ann Barnhardt during the MF Global scandal. Ann was a broker for farmers out in the heartland and began to realize that the stock market and related industries had completely lost touch with reality. Fearing that her customers funds weren't safe, she decided to simply close her firm. She describes this decision in this interview with Peter Schiff here (as well as calling for a total boycott of Wall Street and the death penalty for Jon Corzine).

I soon learned she's also a kind of Westboro Baptist-light type fundy. There are tons of Evangelicals and fundamentalists on the "alternative right" which I seem to inhabit so it doesn't faze me. She's done stuff like burn a Quran on youtube (no one cared) and goes on and on about the Crusades and gays and Muslims on her site and on twitter. Sufficet to say, even in the now crowded field of bearish economic commentators she seems to have carved a niche for herself.

Ann doesn't have comments on her blog and doesn't allow them on her youtubes so I'm making my comments here. This video is the last quarter of a talk she gave to a bunch of people about the French Revolution. I haven't watched the whole thing because 1. I'm not that interested in the French Revolution and 2. Who even knows if it's remotely accurate. My comments are related to the last part where she brings everything around to today and our godless rap culture.

8:00 - Here's where she starts talking about how an atheist revolution of a horrible, rampaging sort could take place here today. Again, I haven't watched the whole thing but the hook of it I gather is: early 18th century France = US today.

We begin with Dan Savage and Amanda Marcotte saying some "offensive" things about the bible. It's obvious what they mean, however tackily they say it. "As bad as the people in the French Revolution were they never said such sacreligous stuff yada yada". Yeah, but that was 300 years ago and it's like...different. not that strong

10:04 - Now she's talking about rap which I think she secretly loves. She shows a picture of Lil Wayne sitting in between two girls. This is hugely offensive to her for some reason. "These girls are pieces of meat" Are we hearing some feminism here kinda? She uses this picture to again go into her argument about mass rapes happening. Lil Wayne is just sitting there. "We are hanging by a thread." okydoke.

Next there's a cute picture of a dumb guy and his girlfriend. She's bent over and he's behind her. Ann asserts that the guy is "mocking anal sex" (which would certainly offend me). She has apparently never heard of doggy style (in her defense, Ann does claim to be a virgin). It's the time honored formula of stuff with "warnings" about wild behaviour that of course show all the behaviour.

Next she shows the gif of Snooki getting punched in the face. We see Snooki getting punched in the face a thousand times. "This is our culture". Yes, everyone goes out to a bar and punches a fake Italian dwarf in the face on the weekends.

The "I'm gonna make your booty pop" kid, the New Black panthers. She shows something awful from the internet and goes "This is our culture". I could do this.

Obama is going to hire mexican drug gangs and muslims as mercenaries. and the New Black Panthers. She calls out Hillary. Hillary would torture you at Gitmo, Ann.

So I don't know. For some reason I like her but this stuff is just silly. If you're smart enough to follow and understand CNBC you're too smart to mess around with this claptrap. I'm probably a Marxist Muslim infiltrator though. See how I capitalize Marxist and Muslim out of RESPECT?

Workplace Environs

I went to the pizza/ beer work party thing out of obligation to my hardworking bosses, not because I at all wanted to go. I'd been to one before and it was silly. Almost nothing of import was discussed, it was just my one boss hearing himself talk about the shipping business which he for some reason loves. I work at work, why do I want to go to more work for free? I contented myself with stuffing my face with free pizza and beer and staring at Carrie, a MILF who unfortunately or fortunately for her works for the guys but not at the same site as the rest of us.

One of the new guys arrives and we talk, he's in a ska band or something. He tells me that Dave, who I always want to call Jason because he's somewhat fat and Jason-y, is leaving. Apparently, he got a new job somewhere (that doesn't happen around here very often these days). Dave has to be the least socially interactive person I've ever met. I've worked with him for over a year and never really had a conversation with him. I know he's a pothead and a gamer but not much beyond that. Still, he's a brother in arms and I'm sad to see him go. Meeting new drivers takes energy and our turnover is very high, etc. it's bad he's leaving.

Friday, his last day, arrives and something is off. Dave is parked in the middle of the street for one. The little area we have rented is getting full and sometimes it's hard to find a spot but I've never seen anyone just blatantly park in the street. It's not a very busy street but cars do go down it. There's definately a weird vibe but it just seems like Dave is being colorful and wacky on his last day.

He does seem rather agitated but I'm thinking it's all some ridiculous routine. I find one of his packages in my pile which happens all the time, we have the areas right next to each other. I approach him sort of smirking and say " Vine Street. Is this yours Dave?". He's positively fuming and stalks toward me like he's going to kill me and grabs the package out of my hand. I collapse in laughter.

Moments later they tell us Dave's new job had been put off for a week and this apparently was why he was so pissed off. Of course, I had no idea. I find another package that logically belonged to him. We discuss it and decide the best thing to do would be to estimate when he was the furthest distance away then call him and tell him to come back for it.

Update: He apologized on Monday. love that guy