Saturday, May 5, 2012

Colombian Prostitute: U.S. Secret Service Agents “Idiots”

As Pee Wee said to Francis "I love that story."

On April 13 in beautiful Cartegena, Columbia, two covert peoples ran into each other and the results weren't good for anybody. One was a secret service agent. The other, a beautician who unbeknowst to friends and family was living a double life as a high priced call girl. (sort of) (Actually, just as a regular prostitute).

If there's one thing I've learned from scandals both public and personal it's that paying prostitutes what you owe them is a good idea. The beautician/ private dancer 25 year old Dania Londoño Suarez met the idiot at a hotel bar where he and his co-horts, no doubt exhausted and drained from a day of walking around near the President (and Shakira at one point) came down to let off some steam. Soon, they were all of them drinking and dancing like, well, you know. So she agreed to go back to the hotel and he agreed to a completely voluntary non prostitutional "gift" of 800 bucks, which is alot but less than Vegas (I've heard). first lady?

In the morning, Mr Guy who was buying bottles of vodka for half of Cartegena the night before became a sober Mr Hyde skinflint and told her to get lost. She was pissed and rounded up anyone she could find and made a fuss, which she's come to regret since the thing has spoiled her double life. She's pulled no punches in regards to their professional conduct.

“The man slept all night,” Suarez said, according to The Associated Press. “If I had wanted to, I could have gone through all his documents, his wallet, his suitcase.”

Suarez said if her alleged client carried sensitive information, she could have compromised the security of the president. She was bewildered that the agents didn’t take the situation seriously

Like it matters. Nuts have been going after presidents since the invention of the president. The whole secret service thing is all theatre.

As big a screw up as this was, none of it will affect the presidential race which is all anyone cares about so it doesn't matter. Dania Londoño Suarez can probably be in Columbian Playboy and/or appear on a Columbian reality series or if she's really lucky, do something else like have a career and forget this ever happened. The guy I guess quit. It wouldn't surprise me at all if he got a pension of some sort.

One kind of crazy thing I noticed though: She gave the initial interview in Madrid, Spain and had been hiding out before that in Dubai during the hubub. I've always wondered why there were so many hookers in movies and never bought that their lives were as exciting as Hollywood made them out to be. I figured they were actually really depressing. Have you been to Spain, the United Arab Emirates and South America in the past month? All from meeting guys in the hotel bar.


  1. There's a hierarchy among prostitutes. I would guess, especially since she looks substantially better than the average you find on the streets of Lowell, my hometown that she's one of the more expensive types. I have tyo roll my eyes at the hubbub though. Security and military types have been cavorting with sex workers since Babylon was a village.

  2. It's a part of life that's foreign to most people though, hence the interest in this story. I've never actually been to Lowell. It seems pretty bleak but maybe that's just a stereotype.

  3. It's worse than you probably think unless you stick to the tourist zone.

  4. Looks like Barry wants him some Shakira....